I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
