I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
