So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
