You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
