Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
