how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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