So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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