My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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