so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
