Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
