thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
