It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
