No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
