looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
