If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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