Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
