Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
