So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
