just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am available for nakedness
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
