Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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