Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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