I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
