He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
