I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
