he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
