can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
