it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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