Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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