If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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