why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
