Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
