it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
