i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
