piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
