I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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