Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
