So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
