Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
