If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
