my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
