i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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