My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
