guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
