also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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