Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
