marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
