just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You took a bar mat shot.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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