And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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