walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
