im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
