I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
