umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
