How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
