im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My cat gives me a boner
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
