So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
