how can u be prego again
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
