my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry about my life...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
