I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
